embarrassing parents

We've all been embarrassed by our parents at one point or another, it's natural. You know what I'm talking about... the dropping you off at the movies and yelling "I love you, sweetie!" with the windows down in front of your friends or the over-enthusiastic soccer mom running down the sideline with you as you attempt to score a goal. Little things like that. But, unfortunately, my parents take public humiliation a few (million) steps further. Honestly, if there was a "You Are The Single Most Embarrassing Set of Parents A Kid Could Have" Award, they would win it, hands down, kick your parents' ass.

To understand the humiliation my five siblings and I go through EVERY DAY of our lives, you'll have to know a little somethin' somethin' about my mother. Prepare yourselves.

Meet Laura. The first word that comes to mind when I think of her? PSYCHO. She's psychotic. Like, for real. Love you to death but you're actually insane.
For one, she refers to herself as "Mamarazzi." This is because she is a dictionary of useless celebrity gossip due to the fact that she reads Us Weekly and perezhilton.com. Does she own a pair of teal & pink sneakers with 'Mamarazzi' written on the side? You bet your ass she does. "OH MY GOD, KARA, DID YOU HEAR ABOUT MILEY CYRUS AND NICK JONAS?!" No, Mom, and for the love of God listen to yourself.

Other fun facts: My mother is super loud, outrageous, thinks she's 25, listens to Ke$ha, always calls me to tell me what's "in style", and I'm pretty sure my friends like her better than me. No big deal.
She is constantly on a quest to embarrass her six children. Whether that be by submitting a yearbook ad of my brother in a Snow White costume or working as the "Crossing guard lady" (bright orange vest included) at my elementary school, she has a 100 percent success rate when it come to humiliation. I mean it; NOBODY can mortify their kids better than my mom.

(Lucky me.)

My dad, on the other hand, is embarrassing in a different way. I remember he tried to make me a long jump champion when I was on my middle school track team. He would show up to track practice every morning, and after a while just pronounced himself "Long Jump Coach." I'm pretty sure that's illegal. But it happened. Thanks for the help, Dad, I got last at County Championships.
Dad also likes to drink. And he gets very sweaty. Let us not forget Memorial Day 2009, drunk, sweaty dad on stage singing "Twist and Shout" with a Beatles Impersonation Band. And yes, he nailed the high notes.

I'd have to say that my most embarrassing memory occurred on my 18th birthday. The day started off normally; woke up, opened a present or two, ate some breakfast and went to school. It wasn't until after second period that I noticed some people shooting me strange looks and smiles in the hallway. Chalking it up to "people are weird", I didn't think anything of it... until i noticed that everyone was wearing something on their shirt. I caught up to a friend of mine and turned her around. Sure enough, the entire senior class was wearing a large circular pin with a picture of me in a cowboy hat that read "I'm 18 today!" Ironic, because I could feel myself turn 18 shades of red. But not only that, my mother had hung up poster board collages of me in my DIAPERS all over the school. It's kind of an uncomfortable feeling knowing that strangers are wearing your face on their shirts and viewing your 2-year-old nipples. I don't recommend it.

The pins + the posters + my mom showing up at lunch with balloons and a cake and making the entire cafeteria sing me Happy Birthday = QUITE a memorable day.

Kevin, Kelsey, Kylie, Kassidy, Kendall and I have lived through so many mortifying experiences like this first hand. Many of them have made us want to kill ourselves (or our mom). But I have to admit, Laura is an evil genius.

Will I put my own kids through this insensitive form of torture that has scarred me for life, you ask? HELL. YES.

college.

Ah, college. It's kind of a funny concept if you think about it. A bunch of 18-year-olds thrown into a world of frat parties, hook ups, endless drama, themed parties, day drinking and the occasional class. You go from having a 12 o'clock curfew to an abundance of freedom… I like to think of college as a 4-year summer camp without counselors. Nailed it.

As I approach my final year of higher learning, I'd like to share my knowledge with those who are currently enrolled or will soon be fresh meat. Behold:

Laundry: cold colors, warm whites. I repeat: cold colors, warm whites.
Please do not dress up for class; you will look ridiculous and everyone will hate you. In high school, it was cool to wear heels and dresses to class. In college, you wear sweat pants. It's awesome. You can dress like a lesbian everyday and no one will care.
Appreciate the dining hall food freshman year. Cooking for yourself every night is not what it's cracked up to be.
Go to class. Put dad's pay check to use!
You will fall in love with pizza all over again because it tastes that much better at 2 a.m.
If you are stopped by a cop walking home in the wee hours of the night after participating in some shenanigans, insert the word "sir" as many times as possible into your conversation. It pays off. Or so I've heard.
Do not go into college with a long distance boyfriend or girlfriend from high school. it. won't. work. And it's really annoying for all of your friends to hear you fight and complain all the time. Just sayin'.
Do not try and date a freshman or sophomore male. Their maturity level is equal to that of a 4-year-old who cracks up whenever someone says "poop".
Be prepared to pull an all-nighter in the library. Red Bull is your friend.
You get to go grocery shopping for yourself which means your sisters can't hide the Cocoa Puffs from you! (I'm still bitter.)
For the love of God, girls, do not drunk text him. You will not wake up happy.
And most importantly, as cliche as it sounds, appreciate the time you have in college because it goes by way too fast. You'll meet some amazing people and make some incredible memories.

Have fun, be safe, and call your mom.

halloween

So as you all know, this weekend was Halloween. My boyfriend and I went as the famous V-J Day picture in Times Square. If you don't know the story, here it is (or my rendition of it): a random sailor went up to a random nurse and kissed her after it was announced by President Truman that the war against Japan was over. Alfred Eisenstaedt, a photographer for Life magazine, captured the moment and a week later the picture was published in Life. Since neither the face of the sailor nor the nurse are clearly visible, the identities of the kissers was a mystery for a long time.

Anyway, the nurse has been identified but at least three men have come forth claiming to be the sailor. My favorite part of the picture is how the nurse seems so unsuspecting. I guess this dude just grabbed her, dipped her, and laid a wet one on her! Kind of awkward. Notice her stiff hand and twisted leg. Love it!
Well, I was sort of a picture-taking Nazi Saturday night. I told my boyfriend that if we don't get the PERFECT V-J Day reenactment pic, I would be PISSED. Boyfriend doesn't like it when I make this threat. So, needless to say, we took about 27 pictures where he grabbed, dipped, and kissed yours truly. What a trooper! This is our best one!

It was fun to be a modestly-dressed WWII nurse, as opposed to the scantily clad "Naughty Nurses" that were out to play Saturday night. Some girls were wearing less than I wear to the beach. I'm all for dressing cute and sexy, but good Lord, ladies! (Just thought I'd drop that one in there) :)

Hope everyone had a safe and fun Halloween!!!