embarrassing parents

We've all been embarrassed by our parents at one point or another, it's natural. You know what I'm talking about... the dropping you off at the movies and yelling "I love you, sweetie!" with the windows down in front of your friends or the over-enthusiastic soccer mom running down the sideline with you as you attempt to score a goal. Little things like that. But, unfortunately, my parents take public humiliation a few (million) steps further. Honestly, if there was a "You Are The Single Most Embarrassing Set of Parents A Kid Could Have" Award, they would win it, hands down, kick your parents' ass.

To understand the humiliation my five siblings and I go through EVERY DAY of our lives, you'll have to know a little somethin' somethin' about my mother. Prepare yourselves.

Meet Laura. The first word that comes to mind when I think of her? PSYCHO. She's psychotic. Like, for real. Love you to death but you're actually insane.
For one, she refers to herself as "Mamarazzi." This is because she is a dictionary of useless celebrity gossip due to the fact that she reads Us Weekly and perezhilton.com. Does she own a pair of teal & pink sneakers with 'Mamarazzi' written on the side? You bet your ass she does. "OH MY GOD, KARA, DID YOU HEAR ABOUT MILEY CYRUS AND NICK JONAS?!" No, Mom, and for the love of God listen to yourself.

Other fun facts: My mother is super loud, outrageous, thinks she's 25, listens to Ke$ha, always calls me to tell me what's "in style", and I'm pretty sure my friends like her better than me. No big deal.
She is constantly on a quest to embarrass her six children. Whether that be by submitting a yearbook ad of my brother in a Snow White costume or working as the "Crossing guard lady" (bright orange vest included) at my elementary school, she has a 100 percent success rate when it come to humiliation. I mean it; NOBODY can mortify their kids better than my mom.

(Lucky me.)

My dad, on the other hand, is embarrassing in a different way. I remember he tried to make me a long jump champion when I was on my middle school track team. He would show up to track practice every morning, and after a while just pronounced himself "Long Jump Coach." I'm pretty sure that's illegal. But it happened. Thanks for the help, Dad, I got last at County Championships.
Dad also likes to drink. And he gets very sweaty. Let us not forget Memorial Day 2009, drunk, sweaty dad on stage singing "Twist and Shout" with a Beatles Impersonation Band. And yes, he nailed the high notes.

I'd have to say that my most embarrassing memory occurred on my 18th birthday. The day started off normally; woke up, opened a present or two, ate some breakfast and went to school. It wasn't until after second period that I noticed some people shooting me strange looks and smiles in the hallway. Chalking it up to "people are weird", I didn't think anything of it... until i noticed that everyone was wearing something on their shirt. I caught up to a friend of mine and turned her around. Sure enough, the entire senior class was wearing a large circular pin with a picture of me in a cowboy hat that read "I'm 18 today!" Ironic, because I could feel myself turn 18 shades of red. But not only that, my mother had hung up poster board collages of me in my DIAPERS all over the school. It's kind of an uncomfortable feeling knowing that strangers are wearing your face on their shirts and viewing your 2-year-old nipples. I don't recommend it.

The pins + the posters + my mom showing up at lunch with balloons and a cake and making the entire cafeteria sing me Happy Birthday = QUITE a memorable day.

Kevin, Kelsey, Kylie, Kassidy, Kendall and I have lived through so many mortifying experiences like this first hand. Many of them have made us want to kill ourselves (or our mom). But I have to admit, Laura is an evil genius.

Will I put my own kids through this insensitive form of torture that has scarred me for life, you ask? HELL. YES.

college.

Ah, college. It's kind of a funny concept if you think about it. A bunch of 18-year-olds thrown into a world of frat parties, hook ups, endless drama, themed parties, day drinking and the occasional class. You go from having a 12 o'clock curfew to an abundance of freedom… I like to think of college as a 4-year summer camp without counselors. Nailed it.

As I approach my final year of higher learning, I'd like to share my knowledge with those who are currently enrolled or will soon be fresh meat. Behold:

Laundry: cold colors, warm whites. I repeat: cold colors, warm whites.
Please do not dress up for class; you will look ridiculous and everyone will hate you. In high school, it was cool to wear heels and dresses to class. In college, you wear sweat pants. It's awesome. You can dress like a lesbian everyday and no one will care.
Appreciate the dining hall food freshman year. Cooking for yourself every night is not what it's cracked up to be.
Go to class. Put dad's pay check to use!
You will fall in love with pizza all over again because it tastes that much better at 2 a.m.
If you are stopped by a cop walking home in the wee hours of the night after participating in some shenanigans, insert the word "sir" as many times as possible into your conversation. It pays off. Or so I've heard.
Do not go into college with a long distance boyfriend or girlfriend from high school. it. won't. work. And it's really annoying for all of your friends to hear you fight and complain all the time. Just sayin'.
Do not try and date a freshman or sophomore male. Their maturity level is equal to that of a 4-year-old who cracks up whenever someone says "poop".
Be prepared to pull an all-nighter in the library. Red Bull is your friend.
You get to go grocery shopping for yourself which means your sisters can't hide the Cocoa Puffs from you! (I'm still bitter.)
For the love of God, girls, do not drunk text him. You will not wake up happy.
And most importantly, as cliche as it sounds, appreciate the time you have in college because it goes by way too fast. You'll meet some amazing people and make some incredible memories.

Have fun, be safe, and call your mom.

halloween

So as you all know, this weekend was Halloween. My boyfriend and I went as the famous V-J Day picture in Times Square. If you don't know the story, here it is (or my rendition of it): a random sailor went up to a random nurse and kissed her after it was announced by President Truman that the war against Japan was over. Alfred Eisenstaedt, a photographer for Life magazine, captured the moment and a week later the picture was published in Life. Since neither the face of the sailor nor the nurse are clearly visible, the identities of the kissers was a mystery for a long time.

Anyway, the nurse has been identified but at least three men have come forth claiming to be the sailor. My favorite part of the picture is how the nurse seems so unsuspecting. I guess this dude just grabbed her, dipped her, and laid a wet one on her! Kind of awkward. Notice her stiff hand and twisted leg. Love it!
Well, I was sort of a picture-taking Nazi Saturday night. I told my boyfriend that if we don't get the PERFECT V-J Day reenactment pic, I would be PISSED. Boyfriend doesn't like it when I make this threat. So, needless to say, we took about 27 pictures where he grabbed, dipped, and kissed yours truly. What a trooper! This is our best one!

It was fun to be a modestly-dressed WWII nurse, as opposed to the scantily clad "Naughty Nurses" that were out to play Saturday night. Some girls were wearing less than I wear to the beach. I'm all for dressing cute and sexy, but good Lord, ladies! (Just thought I'd drop that one in there) :)

Hope everyone had a safe and fun Halloween!!!

family etiquette

I grew up with four sisters and one brother, and it was absolutely ridiculous. Kevin, Kara, Kelsey, Kylie, Kassidy, and Kendall. It's pretty confusing with all the K's, and I'm about 80 percent sure my dad still does not know all of our names.

I suppose the fact that we had to set the table for eight every night meant that the budget was a bit tight. We had to share EVERYTHING. I distinctly remember going through the McDonald's driveway for dinner at least twice a week. My mom would order all of us our own burger and fries, and ONE drink. What, Mom? ONE DRINK? That solitary 20 oz. Coke circulated through our massive red van from kid to kid until each of us were sucking on ice cubes. Everyone would try to take the biggest gulp of soda possible, in an attempt to maximize fluid intake. "STOP HOGGING IT, IDIOT!" was a common verbal exchange. But without fail, if you had the last sip, no matter how small that last sip was, YOU were accused of "drinking all of it". Good times.

Anyone who has ever had the pleasure of joining us for a family dinner knows that they better eat their food fast, because once the five minute mark is up, your plate is fair game. We're not afraid to jack your corn on the cob when you're not looking. Consider yourself warned, America.

A fine example of our family etiquette occurred last Christmas when I brought my boyfriend down to Texas with me. He asked my 14-year-old sister to please pass the chicken. She picked it up with her bare hands and dropped it on his plate. Somehow, he is still dating me.

I've become accustomed to the crazy my family unleashes on a daily basis, and I wouldn't change it for the world. Expect much more to come on this subject... I got a lifetime of embarrassment to release.

Food/ diets/ calories

I'd like to start by saying I LOVE FOOD. Seriously. LOVE. IT. In fact, a Krispy Kreme donut or Chipotle burrito can instantly transform me from Grumpy Gus to Mary freakin' Sunshine. I can eat as much (or more) as any guy I know, and I enjoy all kinds of food. No discrimination here.

However, I am a diver. That means that I spend over two hours a day half-naked in front of an entire aquatic complex. Kara + Dairy Queen Blizzard + bathing suit = not great. Get the math? Therefore, I have to be at least semi-conscious of what I'm putting in my body. It is a temple, after all :)

I'm not talking about calorie counting or obsessing over every morsel of food that enters my mouth. Unlike most Hollywood floozies, I couldn't live like that. What I'm suggesting is that people who are trying to lose or maintain weight simply need to just be aware of their eating habits. I've come up with a few tips that have helped me get back into shape after gaining the sophomore 10 (thanks to tailgate food, drunk pizza, and peanut butter covered EVERYTHING.)

1. Are you ACTUALLY hungry? Chances are you're just thirsty. Drink a glass of water before you reach for the Doritos.
2. Walk everywhere. It's fun, and you save gas money! I have those Reebok EZ tone butt shaping shoes, and I love them. Shape that junk in yo trunk.
3. Nowadays, everything has a healthier alternative. I would suggest Jimmy Dean's Breakfast Delights. Delicious egg white, turkey sausage, and lowfat cheese on a whole wheat english muffin. And instead of buying ice cream by the gallon, go to Red Mango. It's absolutely amazing frozen yogurt. I plan to write a post entirely focussed on Red Mango because I am so obsessed with it.
3. If you're going to eat out, go to a place that lists the calories on the menu (such as Subway or Panera Bread), or look up the nutritional facts before you leave the house. Almost every website has their menu and nutritional info posted, so check it out. You'd be amazed at how many salads have over 700 calories. WHOOPS.
4. EAT! Eat a lot! Every three hours, to be exact. Have about 3 snacks a day, and three small, healthy meals. This way you won't get hungry and binge.
5. Everyone says to cut out soda, but I just can't. Sorry, I thoroughly enjoy Coke. Limit your intake, though. Once or twice a week? Totally doable.
6. Ok let's be honest: There's no HEALTHY way you're going to lose weight if you drink all the time. Believe me you, I know it's hard (I'm in college, after all) but there's still a way to have fun at parties or over the weekend without getting hammered. If you're going to drink, try every other weekend. And don't drunk eat!!!!!
7. Eat dinner early. I eat dinner at 5:30 and have an apple or something light around 7:30. That way I go to bed feeling full but not stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey.
8. When you want to eat but you don't NEED to, but in a piece of gum. MAGIC TRICK!
9. Eat dessert. I eat dessert every night. Just don't eat the entire cake, a modest piece will do.

So there it is. Remember, when you look better, you feel better! Have an other tips? Feel free to comment!

Until next time....

oh hey.

Well, I must admit, I am losing my blogging virginity as we speak. I never quite understood the point of spilling your thoughts to an unknown cyber audience, but hey, here I am on my couch with a blanket and a bag of white cheddar popcorn, going to town.

With that being said, I'd like to introduce myself... Hi! I'm Kara! I am a senior in college studying Public Relations & Advertising with a minor in Spanish. I am 'from' TEXAS and I love TEXAS. In fact, I say TEXAS just how I spell it... full caps. Lots of fun. TEXAS TEXAS TEXAS. Unfortunately for me, I go to school in the midwest so I miss my beloved state terribly. But worry not, I will make my triumphant return to the South after graduation, even if that means I am jobless and living under a bridge (God forbid). But at least it will be warm...

Very importantly, I am a collegiate diver. No, not scuba diving, cliff diving, or swimming. D-I-V-ING. Like, off springboards and platforms. "Do you do the flippy things?" asks unnamed confused person. "Yes, unnamed confused person, I do!" (You wouldn't believe how many times I get that question). I love diving with all of my heart yet I hate it with a fiery passion. This crazy sport and I have a very intricate, complex relationship that I will surely be telling you all about in future posts. Getttt exciteddddd :)

Welp, time to wrap up post numero uno (see, Spanish minor). It's been fun, planet Earth.

Stay tuned.